As a young child it was especially hard to bear, I did not want to ‘be’ at all. Thank God I found cannabis in my early teens as it was the least harmful/most beneficial way for me to cope until I could claim my power and free myself.
Despite having cannabis as my ally, I still acted out in many unhealthy ways. I am very grateful that I did not do any irreparable damage to myself.
I knew that my authentic self was truly ‘good’, and I wanted my actions and life to be a testament to my truth. It was deeply frustrating to always seem to be sabotaging myself and falling short.
Yet the ‘good’ spirit within me would always come through in every crucial moment. I knew that it was a very important cornerstone for me to get in good shape physically. I have been a lifelong martial artist and this has been as big a saving grace for me as cannabis (they go well together by the way). Four years ago I was in a bad way, drinking too much alcohol, and found it really hard to get exercising.
I purchased a Kangan water machine and made water my number one health product. After drinking the water for three months I started doing a beach body workout program called ‘Insanity’. I remember feeling the fat jiggling around on the front of my torso. Then one day I saw the line down the center starting to be revealed. I finished insanity and began P90X.
Halfway through this program I broke my femur when I climbed up high on my unstable compost bin (if you ever think to yourself ‘that might not be stable’ just STOP). My disappointment was crushing. I lay in the snow for ninety minutes staring my mortality in the face, passing out…coming to…finally calling for help. After losing three pints of blood in surgery I could not get up to use the washroom without my heart beat reaching 125 BPM. I was in the hospital for eight days and had to take two units of blood to be able to leave.
The only painkillers that worked on me were Oxy. After my first week, I used it only at night to sleep, but I was hooked. I used to count the hours until dose time. If it weren’t for the wise and loving support of my wife I may not have survived that addiction. It had so laid into my brain that I was ready to throw my life away. I only used it for five weeks, but getting off was hell.
I had to fight for my life back. Exercise became my weapon. I would go to the pool and run and do martial art in the water, bunny hop in the shallow pool and relax in the hot tub. When I was strong enough I gradually began P90X again. I patiently ramped up to the full program and completed it at least twice. I then moved on to UFC FIT which I completed three times. Now, ready to level up, I got over myself and donned a white belt for the first time in twenty years, joining a local jiu-jitsu school. I found this to be something my life had really been missing.
Throughout this process I continually reached new levels of being in the best shape of my life. I believe that this Body/Mind/Emotional strength developed through the warrior spirit was instrumental in my recent triumph over my lifelong suffering.
I believe that most of us truly want to be ‘good’. We all have to start somewhere, and the battle is right now. Fight minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, never give up and you will be ready for the most important battles of your life. Your triumph is worth every struggle and sacrifice. Your truth is worthy of all your effort and discipline. Believe and rejoice for your success is within your reach.